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On occasion, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles is convinced he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You feel invincible and you’re like, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I’m better than them … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically succeeded by a “sudden low”, a period when he feels sensitive and self-conscious about his actions, leaving him particularly vulnerable to negative feedback from external sources. He came to wonder he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors online – and subsequently evaluated by a clinician. But, he questions he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t previously arrived at that conclusion by himself. When someone suggests to somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – especially if they feel beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve built up. And within that framework, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

Although people have been called narcissists for over 100 years, definitions vary what the term implies the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says an expert in narcissism, noting the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he suggests many people conceal it, due to widespread prejudice linked to the disorder. A narcissist will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to enhance their social status through behaviors including seeking admiration,” the specialist explains. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in Narcissism

Although three-quarters of people diagnosed with the condition are men, research points out this statistic does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that narcissism in women is typically appears in the covert form, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, just kind of like everything in society,” explains an individual who shares content on her co-occurring conditions on social media. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Personal Struggles

“I really struggle with dealing with feedback and being turned down,” she explains, whenever it’s suggested that I am at fault, I either go into defence mode or I become unresponsive.” Despite having this response – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been working to manage it and accept input from her support system, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners during adolescence,” she states. With professional help, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she says she and her current boyfriend “have a dynamic where I’ve instructed him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, when I use toxic language, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mostly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of supportive figures in her youth. It’s been a process of understanding over the years what is suitable or harmful to say when arguing because I lacked that guidance as a kid,” she says. There were no boundaries when my relatives were insulting me in my early years.”

Root Causes of Narcissistic Traits

Personality disorders tend to be associated with early life adversity. Genetics play a role,” explains an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “connected with that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to cope in formative years”, he adds, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting particular demands. They then “continue to use those same mechanisms as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The individual says when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve good grades and life achievements, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships lasted. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he states. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, struggles with feelings. She is “highly empathetic of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he explains – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Subsequent to a consultation to his doctor, John was referred to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for psychological counseling through national services (extended treatment is the primary approach that has been shown to help NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the waiting list for an extended period: “They said it is probably going to be early next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a small circle about his NPD diagnosis, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, in his own mind, he has accepted it. The awareness assists me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he says. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are pursuing treatment for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the presence of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of digital groups indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number